by Libby DuPont
Holiday Planning Mode is almost in full swing. We buy and wrap gifts, make treats, clean the house, pack up the car and be sure everyone’s jammies are matching.
But in the busyness of the season, let’s not forget to prepare for the one thing that makes or breaks our family gatherings: our relationships!
First, it’s good to take stock. Usually, tricky relationship issues we encounter during holiday gatherings do not spring up out of nowhere, but rather they are part of a predictable pattern.
Taking some time now in prayer and in conversation with your spouse or children about what stressful situations have come up in the past is the first step to flipping the script. Don’t gossip or stir up drama, but honestly ask, “What situations have come up in the past that were awkward, stressful, hurtful or disappointing? What specific behaviors were at fault and how did you experience them?”
Second, it’s important to address the past hurts. If it was your own behavior that hurt a loved one, acknowledge your fault and ask for forgiveness. If the hurts were caused by an extended family member with whom reconciliation is not appropriate, you can still pray together as a married couple, or as a parent and child to forgive that person.
It is helpful to name the specific thing they did that was wrong, how it made you feel and then pray together to offer that to God, releasing the debt they owe you (and probably won’t ever pay anyway). Choosing to forgive is an act that frees you to love those closest to you. For more practical tips on forgiveness, go online to: forgivenessinstitutekc.com.
After forgiving the past, make a plan for this year. Some things can be simple logistics like switching to a better Christmas Mass time or dividing tasks more evenly. Other changes might require some honest conversations with extended family, such as expressing the desire to spread out Christmas visits over a few days to avoid burnout and meltdowns.
Some changes require us to accept that we cannot change other people, but only our reactions to them. Perhaps you have a gentle but witty reply ready for the critical comment you know is coming, or a plan to go for a short daily walk with your spouse during a crowded stay with relatives. You may simply need to let go of expectations our loved ones cannot fulfill.
Taking a little time now to invest in your closest relationships will go a long way in making the season merry!
