by Libby DuPont
When our kids were little, Sunday mornings were a disaster. My husband Brad, for whom “on time” means “10 minutes early,” would get himself ready for Mass and then count down how much time remained before we needed to get in the car. Meanwhile, the rest of us ran around the house like headless chickens. Often, we filed into church late, rumpled and annoyed.
We’ve since learned that men’s brains are wired for action. They are compartmentalized, allowing them to focus on a task without interruption. Women’s brains are wired for relationship. They are more globally organized, taking in information 30% faster than men, allowing them to easily assess the needs of those around them. (Source: “Why Gender Matters” by Leonard Sax).
Brad had been exercising his masculine strength. Reminders were his way of helping us focus on the task at hand. Meanwhile, I was exercising my feminine gift of recognizing everyone’s needs. This kid needs a snack, that one a diaper change. Did you brush your teeth? Hang on, I can braid your hair once I’m dressed. . . .
From his point of view, I was lollygagging around. Didn’t I care about being on time? To me, he seemed like a drill sergeant barking orders. Didn’t he appreciate the momentous feat it was to get us all ready?
Learning to appreciate the other’s gift was a game changer. Brad learned from me who needed what, and he channeled his action into filling sippy cups. I learned from him how to stay above the chaos and pace myself. The result was a quicker, more peaceful arrival at Mass.
National Marriage Week is Feb. 7-14 and this year’s theme is: “Man and Woman He Created Them: Together with Purpose.” It’s a great opportunity to reflect on the fact that men and women are different by design, and that these differences are a good thing!
If you are married, why not make plans now to do something that will help you get to discover something new about your spouse? This will not only avoid conflict but help you grow in appreciation for the unique gifts that s/he brings to your relationship. Check your parish bulletin, email me (ldupont@archkck.org) for local events or go online to: www.foryourmarriage.org for more ideas, including an at-home email retreat.
If you are not married, practice recognizing others’ differences as gift, and please pray for the married couples in your life.
