by Jill Ragar Esfeld
jill.esfeld@theleaven.org
KANSAS CITY, Kan. — “Most teenagers just need somebody who will listen to them in a non-judgmental way,” said Brad Grabs, director of Friends in Faith. “A lot of kids can really flourish with that simple support.
“But unfortunately, a lot of kids don’t have that.”
As former director of the Learning Club, Grabs has spent years working with children and knows they don’t always talk freely to their parents.
“What I discovered as I worked with kids was that those who had at least one supportive adult in their life, and some kind of a foundation of faith, just did a lot better,” said Grabs.
“They can make sense of things, and they have hope for the future,” he said.
That knowledge prompted Grabs to pilot a new program at Bishop Ward High School in Kansas City, Kansas, called Friends in Faith.
‘A friendship that I’m glad I made’
Launched two years ago, Friends in Faith trains adults to form a one-on-one relationship with a student matched with them based on shared interests.
The Adult Friends meet their students one Thursday a month during a school advisory period and discuss a topic prepared by Friends in Faith.
The sessions are designed to build rapport and trust.
A second Friends in Faith program for public school youth meets during the evening at Donnelly College in Kansas City, Kansas.
There is a waiting list of students wanting an Adult Friend, so more volunteers are needed.
Bishop Ward senior David Vázquez joined the program and developed a deep friendship with his Adult Friend Diego Payán.
“It was an opportunity to speak to someone that’s older than me for advice,” said Vázquez. “Diego has offered me a lot of advice.
“Right now we’re talking about letting go of a sin. I have spiritual questions, I ask him, he answers them. It’s just a friendship that I’m glad I made.”
The gift of relationship
Adult Friends come from a range of generations. Some are in their 80s, while others are recent college graduates. What matters is being an authentic and non-judgmental support to a young person.
“I just feel very fortunate and called to do this,” said Payán, “In our society, there’s a lot of need for people to connect authentically, to speak and be heard in safe places. And you benefit from the spiritual gifts that come from nurturing any relationship.”
Volunteers don’t have to worry about being skilled in high-school academics. Conversations center on social and spiritual support and guidance — from plans for the future, to navigating difficult relationships, to applying for a summer job.
“But if a student is struggling academically,” said Grabs, “the adults are encouraged to talk with them about the cause of that and how they can get support.”
And if there are serious personal problems, Adult Friends can bring any concerns to Grabs’ attention.
“Part of our agreement is that they will reach out to me so I can get any kind of help the student might need,” said Grabs.
Hope for the future
After the first year of Friends in Faith, Grabs surveyed students and found that their faith had increased and they had received helpful advice from their Adult Friends.
All but two students signed up for a second year.
“I found out about this and I just was like, okay, let’s just do it,” said senior Leo Estrada Piñeda. “And I love it.
“I met Gary, and he has helped me so much with my faith journey, and it’s just been such a blessing.”
Gary Dehaemers, Leo’s Adult Friend, has been equally pleased with the experience.
“It just gives me encouragement to see that these young people have Jesus in their heart,” he said.
“You want to make sure they have a good foundation heading in the right direction,” he added.
Wanda Vaughn has been an Adult Friend to junior Estefany Gómez for two years.
Vaughn has a background in the military and has been able to advise Estefany on her interest in a military career.
“She has really helped me explore career paths and what I want to do after high school,” said Gómez.
When asked if the two will remain friends after she graduates, Gómez responded: “Probably forever.”
Become a friend
Interested in volunteering? Here’s a checklist:
• Good listener; encouraging, faith-filled Christian
• Willing to learn about the lives of youth today
• Able to commit to at least one school year of involvement
• Virtus trained and compliant, including background check
Contact Brad Grabs at: bgrabs@friendsinfaithkc.org or visit: friendsinfaithkc.org
