by Father Mark Goldasich
Honestly, it doesn’t take much to amuse me. I’m constantly on the lookout for verbal or written gaffes or just clever plays on words. Here are some of my favorites:
Some years ago, one young parishioner here was so disappointed after Mass, according to his mom. I’d invited the congregation to check out a display of rosaries in honor of the Blessed Mother that were displayed at the front of church. What was the source of disappointment for the kid? He’d been looking forward to viewing the “groceries,” of which there were none!
Almost 25 years ago, I attended an Eagle Scout Court of Honor. Toward the end of the ceremony, a young woman stood up to read a poem, entitled, “The Uniformed Little Boy.” She read with much passion and sincerity. Unfortunately, throughout the poem — about a half dozen times by my count — she pronounced “uniformed” as “uninformed.” It got funnier and funnier as she went along but, sitting as I was facing the crowd in attendance, I didn’t dare start laughing. I’m pretty sure I still have scar tissue on the inside of my cheeks from maintaining my composure that day.
We once received a news release at The Leaven from LOATHE, KAN. I’ll bet that people from Olathe “hate” when that happens.
My deacon and the parish choir just shake their heads when they’re singing, and I have a mischievous grin. That means that I’m soon going to “ruin” that song forever in their minds. One of my favorites is “Ubi Caritas,” a song that I’ve been mangling (in my mind anyway) since my days as a seminarian at the North American College in Rome.
One of the lines that comes up several times is: “Ubi caritas et amor, ubi caritas, Deus ibi est” (“Where charity and love [are], where charity [is], God is there.”) It’s a hauntingly beautiful hymn that can be ruined by substituting the words, “We’re on CBS” or “Shop at CVS” for “Deus ibi est.” Rest assured that those phrases were never sung during an actual liturgy . . . but afterwards?
I’m sure that you’ve heard the joke about a new usher at church in pre-Vatican II days named Dominic. The pastor noticed that every Mass where Dominic was, the collection was significantly higher. When asked the reason for this by the pastor, Dominic replied, “Well, isn’t that what you ask me to do from the altar? Don’t you always say, ‘Dominic, go frisk ‘em?’” (If you don’t get it, think back to “Dominus vobiscum.”)
I’ll end with this cute story:
A mom was worried when Timmy, her son in first grade, wanted to walk to school by himself. She wasn’t convinced it was a good idea, but Timmy said he’d be OK since he walked with a friend.
Eventually, the mom came up with a creative solution that would ease her worries and yet give Timmy a sense of independence. A neighbor walked her toddler every morning. The mom asked if she would follow the boys to school to make sure they got there safely, but to do so at a distance so they wouldn’t notice. The neighbor agreed.
After a while, the perceptive boys did notice.
“Hey, do you know that woman who follows us to school?” the friend asked.
“Sure,” Timmy answered. “That’s Shirley Goodnest and her daughter Marcy. My mom reads about them every day in the Twenty-Third Psalm. She says, ‘Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life.’ Guess we’ll have to get used to them!”
God provides humor and joy all around us if you know just where to look . . . or listen. That’s why it’s called the good news!
