by Marc and Julie Anderson
mjanderson@theleaven.org
KANSAS CITY, Kan. — Since 1973, October has been designated as Respect Life Month by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB). It’s a time dedicated to the dignity of every single human being.
While many Catholics know about Respect Life Month, many are unaware it’s also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. For Catholic families who experience miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss, the grief can be overwhelming.
Archdiocesan pro-life consultant Debra Niesen said that while the archdiocese continues to look for ways to improve its outreach to those experiencing miscarriage and stillbirth, there are many things priests and parishes are already doing — and that others easily can do — to bolster its pastoral care and outreach.
For example, one of the things the pro-life office offers to parish priests is a miscarriage and early childhood resource binder for ministering to couples faced with such losses. The binder contains, among other things, parent packets for the couples themselves with prayers and reflections, a small book called “Mourning a Miscarriage” and a letter from Archbishop Joseph F. Naumann.
“We ask [priests] when they encounter a couple experiencing a miscarriage or infant loss to share them,” Niesen said.
Sometimes, Niesen said, parents experiencing infant loss find the support of others who have gone through similar experiences helpful. While the archdiocese does not have an infant loss support group right now, Niesen said couples might find comfort in a Catholic pro-life/pro-family grief support resource known as Red Bird Ministries through its services such as online communities and virtual retreats. The organization also has in-person events and chapters across the country.
“We would love to get a chapter started here,” Niesen said.
There is also assistance available in the practical aspects of loss, such as burial options and their associated costs.
As president and CEO of Catholic Cemeteries of Northeast Kansas, Sharon Vallejo helps families with burial options for their little ones.
Within designated sections for infants, Vallejo said, families can choose a 12-inch by 12-inch space with a 12-inch by 12-inch marker in which to bury their little ones. The grave, opening and closing of the grave and a vessel in which to bury the baby are offered to families for $100.
So far, of the nine archdiocesan cemeteries, three (Resurrection Cemetery in Lenexa; Gate of Heaven Cemetery in Kansas City, Kansas; and Mount Calvary Cemetery in Topeka) have these specific sections.
For Katherine* — a mother who recently miscarried her first baby — Catholic Cemeteries provided the right amount of support for her family.
After learning a child-sized grave at another cemetery could cost around $1,000, Katherine and her husband chose to bury their baby at Gate of Heaven Cemetery.
“That was a big blessing,” said Katherine of the nominal amount.
Vallejo said cost should be one of the last things families have to worry about when experiencing a miscarriage or a stillbirth.
“This is a child. This is a life lost,” Vallejo said. She hopes to get the word out of the assistance Catholic cemeteries can offer — an assistance that honors the reverence the moment requires.
“It’s still a baby,” she said. “We’re here for you. We’ve got the space for you to come and pray and remember.”
Niesen agreed.
“Properly honoring their very brief life can be consoling for their parents who might not have ever held that baby in their arms the way they had hoped,” she said.
Father Peter Jaramillo, SSA, pastor of St. Mary-St. Anthony Parish in Kansas City, Kansas, agreed, saying just as important is the church being there for the families.
Regardless of whether it’s a first miscarriage or the fifth, Father Peter said the baby’s life needs to be honored and mourned.
“When priests do these things,” he said, “it makes all the difference for the family to know that the church is there for them.
“So much of society says it’s not even a child, it’s not even human. Having the total burial process and having the little memorials, the crucifixes and the cards that express that is so important.”
“We value all life, and we as the church recognize that life begins at conception. That is a precious, unique individual created by God at that moment,” Niesen said. “We want to honor them and respect their dignity.”
For more information about Red Bird Ministries, headquartered in Breaux Bridge, Louisiana, go to its website at: redbird.love.
*Not her real name.
