by Bob Hart
Special to The Leaven
“I turned to Scripture because I didn’t know where else to turn,” said Patty Billinger, whose son Blaine died 13 years ago.
Billinger and other parents who had lost children sought solace for their unrelenting sorrow by ultimately forming Chrysalis, a support group and ministry for grieving parents.
A chrysalis is the shell from which a butterfly emerges.
The group, formed in the latter part of the last decade, brought faith-based comfort and fellowship to mothers and fathers. It was, as they say, “a club none of us wanted to be in.”
The fear and isolation of the COVID pandemic put a temporary halt to the mutual healing, however. Although members tried to continue meeting online, the loss of in-person intimacy was detrimental and the ministry went on hiatus.
As normalcy slowly returned, Billinger and the other parents continued with their busy lives but realized something was missing.
“I received an abundance of requests to bring the group back,” she said. “Once we did, I realized how much I missed these people and how they are so important in my life.”
She was not alone.
“When we started back up, there was tremendous relief,” said member Christine Downey. “And because I am now 11 years into my journey, it was a gift to reassure parents who’ve more recently lost a child that the path of grieving is very difficult, but with God’s grace you can walk that path.”
Chrysalis is open to any grieving parent, Catholic or not, although members stress that the group is faith-based and includes Scripture readings.
Members at times have also included grandparents, siblings and surrogate parents like aunts and uncles. The majority, however, are mothers and fathers who share the pain of unanticipated loss.
“We expect to grieve the loss of our parents,” said member Debbie Daly. “We expect to grieve the loss of our grandparents. We do not expect to grieve the loss of our child.”
“It is a gut-wrenching pain,” added Billinger, “because you lose your future. Still, there is hope, and it’s hard to explain what we do. People come to us in various stages of grief. We don’t counsel. We just walk with you hand in hand.”
Daly says the group provides hope that is desperately needed.
“We can still pray our child along their journey into heaven,” she said. “What more can we ask? To heaven — that is our goal.”
Chrysalis is now meeting the last Tuesday of each month at Church of the Ascension, located at 9510 W. 127th in Overland Park. The next meeting, on Sept. 24, will be held in the conference room at 6 p.m. Those wanting more information may contact Billinger at the church at (913) 681-3348.
“I don’t know that it’s for everyone,” Downey said. “But I think everyone should come to one meeting and find out what it’s about. The timing is different for everyone. Some will want to come right away after their loss, and others will need some more time. But they are always welcome.”
